"short is the joy that guilty pleasure brings." ~euripides

hey, guys! did you miss me? (probably not since the only people who read this blog are blood relatives and you can't get away from me if you tried.) remember when i said i wouldn't neglect my blog? i believe i swore on my luggage. yeah... about that. well, i am back and that's what matters. so for my next post i have some of my favorite guilty pleasures: The Blog Edition! click on the links and enjoy!

handmadegonewrong.blogspot.com

for those of us who only make beautiful handmade crafts (me, hello!), this blog is just disturbing. even more disturbing is that i think i have actually seen some of these monstrosities in person.

itakephotosinthebathroom.blogspot.com

i don't know this person, but i want to be friends with her. kate, if you're reading, send me an email.

www.snacksandshit.com

who says gangsta rap needs to be so serious? well, evidently the rapper's feel that way. this is one of the funniest blogs i have ever read. the writers take all the most ridiculous, nonsensical, disturbing lines from your favorite rap songs and calls out the performers. pure hysterical bliss.

www.lamebook.com

dear shaun and mia, thanks for introducing me to this blog. you are the best friends a girl can have. love, me.

www.fupenguin.com

i know the first thing that comes to mind when i see a puppy is, 'F-you! just because everyone thinks you're sooooo cute and fluffy doesn't mean i do! jerk.'

AND FINALLY...

www.thebloggess.com

here's another person i want to be friends with. the author's name is jenny and she and i have way too much in common. she is a real-life writer and she's hilarious.

"I'll bet living in a nudist colony takes all the fun out of Halloween." ~Author Unknown

halloween and i have a strained relationship.  you see, my birthday is october 29 and that means that instead of having a birthday party i usually go to halloween parties.  anyone who has a birthday on or close to a holiday feels my pain.  i don't want a halloween-themed birthday cake.  i want a pink, sparkly, 'emily is awesome and just because her birthday is near a spooky holiday doesn't mean she should have a black and orange cake' cake.  my sister, ali, has the same problem since she was born on the 4th of july.  i don't think it bothers her that much though because at least she has fireworks and a parade.  i just get a bunch of dressed up freak-shows and kids mere seconds away from a candy coma.

but enough of the complaining, i do actually have some fun on halloween.  i really love dressing up.  in college my roommates and i would randomly dress up in costumes and go to the bars.  back then we had no shame.  fortunately for you, i have the photographic evidence.   (disclaimer:  i don't have a scanner, so i had to take pictures of my old pictures to upload them.  does that even make sense?  anyway, the quality is terrible.  don't judge.) 

a blonde, curly haired snow white?  sure, why not?!  i'm pretty sure i never took this off when i was little.

my 23rd birthday.  my friend, valerie, and i decided to have a joint "trashy vs. classy" birthday party.

puff was an ugg boot wearing cowgirl, and i was a socialite.  i carried around a bottle of wine and wore big sunglasses all night.

halloween '04.  we went to a kappa sig fraternity party with our friends.  jack, bash, galla and brad were the best oompa loompa's ever.

also halloween '04.  i raided my sister, ali's, closet for old prom dresses.  liz, sarah and i went as "ali, circa 1989", puff was a disco queen.  none of us could replicate ali's mall bangs, but we went though an entire can of aqua net trying to achieve it.  imitation is the sincerest form of flattery.  (i'm wearing a tiara.  more info about it below.)

generic 21st birthday pic.  why did i think it was a good idea to have a cop cuff me for a picture?

this is one of my favorite pic's of my awesome niece, haylie.  she's fierce, even when she was a little kid.

jack and i at a farmer themed fraternity party.  my shirt said 'proud to farm.'  he had a foo-man-chu.  aaaahhhh, college, i remember you fondly.

wearing a sombrero at 'rincon' for my birthday.  the waiters make you take a shot of cheap, warm tequilla, then shake your head.  worst idea ever.

and here's a picture of my gram on her 90th birthday.  they made her wear a sombrero too!  no shots of tequilla, but i'm sure she had a scotch.  she's the coolest!

chloe wearing my birthday tiara.  my mom got it for me when i turned 19, and i have to wear it for at least one picture every year.

and here is the tiara on my 19th birthday.  and more importantly, some of the best friends a girl could ask for: liz, puff, and speed.  lord knows they were ashamed to be seen with a tiara-wearing spazz, like myself, but they hung out with me anyway.

"There's nothing that cleanses your soul like getting the hell kicked out of you." ~ woody hayes

if that quote is true, i bet the fighting illini are feeling pretty clean today.  yesterday i went to the ohio state vs. illinois football game with my dad.  we tailgated, drank bloody marys, and my dad ate more food than i previously believed was humanly possible.  it was great football weather until we got to the stadium, then it rained for the whole first half.  but we aren't fair-weather fans in any sense of the phrase.  we sat there, poncho run-off dripping into my shoes, my dad's jeans totally soaked.  lots of fans left, but not us!  we ended up winning 30-0!  two shut-outs in a row, that hasn't happened since 1996.  that was a fun fact for you.  here are a few pictures from the game...

good ol' script ohio.  

not a great picture, but you get the gist.  it was raining so i had to take the pictures quickly so i wouldn't ruin the camera.  here are the good guys getting ready to take the field.

huddle during on the the 70 gazillion TV time-outs.

this is a game i like to play called "where's brutus?"  here's a hint:  he has a head shaped like a buckeye.  

and finally, here are the words to Carmen Ohio, which we all sing between the 3rd and 4th quarter of the game:

Oh come let's sing Ohio's praise
And songs to Alma Mater raise
While our hearts rebounding thrill
With joy which death alone can still
Summer's heat or winter's cold
The seasons pass the years will roll
Time and change will surely show
How firm thy friendship ... OHIO!

"you know what really sticks in my craw?..." ~me

i having been using the phrase "you know what really sticks in my craw?" a lot lately.  apparently i am frequently annoyed.  i don't want to rant, or alienate my readers, but i just had to comment on an absolutely ridiculous commercial i saw just a few moments ago from the group "americans against food taxes."  i'm not saying anything derogatory about the group as a whole, but this commercial is just ridiculous.

it starts with a mother driving past foreclosed homes and businesses that  have closed their doors.  then it cuts to the mother unloading her groceries and she says, "washington is talking about a new tax on juice drinks and soda.  they say its only pennies, but those pennies add up when you're trying to feed a family.  washington, if you're listening, what doesn't seem like much to you, can be a lot to us."

ok, i get it.  no one wants to pay taxes on their food.  i don't agree with most of the taxes i pay, mainly because i don't think our tax dollars are going to good use, and i especially don't like the idea of paying new taxes.   but last time i checked, juice and soda were extraneous expenses and not essential to feeding a family.  juice is high in calories and sugar, and soda is flat-out bad for you.  (or, according to my sister, stacey, soda is a "chemical drink.")  

here's a novel idea!  if you are so strapped for cash, instead of paying $5 for a 12 pack of soda, give your children some healthy water to drink.  not flavored water or evian, but good ol' fashioned tap water.  its essential to our daily lives and its practically free.  i lived on diet coke for the last 4 years, but now i don't drink it unless i am out to dinner and i probably will save about $250 this year.  not to mention the weight i lost and i also have fewer headaches.  

so, in conclusion, drink your eight glasses a day.  and when you cut those unnecessary calories and chemicals out of your diet and lose 10 pounds, spend that $250 on some new jeans (or rent).  thats what i will be doing.  

p.s.  just a side note... i was in wal-mart buying plants late one night a few months ago.  there was a baby too young to speak screaming and crying and shaking her bottle at her parents.  so what did these people do?  they bought a mountain dew and poured it in her bottle.  i couldn't believe it!  i was too shocked to take a picture for proof, so you'll just have to take my word for it.

"you should be a teacher. you always teach me things whether i want to know them or not." ~ ryan gillespie

it was recently (and frequently) brought to my attention that i am a bad blogger.  i have neglected my brain-child for almost a month.  i am sorry.  i swear on my luggage that i won't do it again.  but in my defense, i've been pretty busy for an unemployed person.  but that is in the past and now i am back to my routine.  i have lots of really cute new things to photograph and show you, and even some fab new recipes to post.  

i thought i would share with you the breakfast i made today.  i decided that since it's officially fall i needed to have a hearty breakfast.  ryan is allergic to eggs, among many other things, so he doesn't really eat much except red meat and veggies.  i think sometimes he dreams up things he would eat if he had no allergies, and he thought pancakes with bacon crumbles would be really good.  so i decided it would be nice of me to make them and tell him repeatedly how good it was.  i spared no calorie for this fare, and it was totally worth it.  

this beauty is my brand-new All-Clad pan.  i love it.  this is what i made my breakfast in this morning.  i think All-Clad makes everything taste better.

ryan and i took a trip to Williams-Sonoma yesterday because i needed a fix.  some people like vodka martinis, some people like crack, i like Williams-Sonoma.  and this, my friends, is the best pancake mix i've ever had.  alton brown from 'good eats' would probably be so disappointed in me, but i don't care.  this is better than homemade.  there, i said it.  don't send me any angry emails or chase me with torches.  i made the bacon then crumbled up a few pieces in to the batter.  it was as good as it sounds.

no breakfast is complete without a delish beverage.  i don't own a coffee pot, so i thought this would be just as good:  apple cider.  oh man, i love apple cider.  and it went perfectly with my bacon pancakes.  if i wasn't so worried about my caloric intake i would eat pancakes and drink cider all day.  mmmmmmm......

"A diamond with a flaw is better than a common stone that is perfect." ~ Chinese proverb

well, i have been working on some cute pillows and wanted to post some pictures, but i broke my sewing machine needle and had to take a break.  then i replaced the needle and got about 6 inches sewn, and broke that one too.  it was 8:45 and i was out of needles.  now i have to wait until tomorrow or sunday to finish up.  that just means that the next post is going to be big because ryan and i are going to columbus tomorrow to see a band and we are going to the flea market/antique store on the way.  hopefully i will find some great stuff!

so until then, i have written a Haiku about my new favorite thing:  purple slushies!  it goes a little something like this...

Oh,  sweet creation!

Purple teeth, you know me well.

Hot day's tasty treat.

"And I to you... in addition, feel, the same feelings, that you are, as well." ~ michael scott

wow, two 'office' quotes in a row!  it's gonna be a good day.  well, it might be a great day if my readers can help me out...  my dad recently told me that i have way more readers than i thought i did.  including the wonderful people that he works with.  shout out to my peeps at Clark's Dining Room! WOOT!  WOOT!  

it would be nice to make this blog more than a hobby (see post about unemployment), but i can't do it without your help.  you can help me out in a few ways:  1) you can become an official friend of my blog (you need to sign up for a google account.  you can find this option on the top, right side of the blog)  2) you can send me message via email at emilygclark@me.com  -or-  3) you can remain anonymous and keep reading and enjoying my blog.  any of these options is fine with me.  

if you want to send me an email you can make comments, suggestions, whatever.  what do you hate?  what do you love?  what do you want to see more about?  i can pretty much answer any question (and what i can't figure out, i will simply google.) i would love to hear your questions and comments about life, crafting, music, fashion, the american revolution, domestic-godessness, cooking, pets, sewing, hot glueing, painting, ANYTHING.  you can even suggest new projects, recipes, etc to be featured on the blog.  

thanks to all my readers... the ones i know about, and the ones i don't (who are you?).  

have a lovely sunday!