"i just hate health food." ~julia child

my name is emily and i have a problem. that problem specifically being the disconnect between wanting to be a domestic goddess and actually achieving that goal. i may wear and adorable apron and use a kitchen aid mixer, but most of the time my cookies burn or i create a mess that rivals that of the hoarders featured on last week's dr. phil. i think the last thing i successfully cooked in my oven was my blackberry. thats right, i baked my phone. i dropped it in the oven while making a flank steak and it got stuck under the heating coil. it smelled like an electrical fire, but i finally cooked something all the way through perfectly.

i think this domestic goddess dream started at a young age. i mean, what eight year old has any business doing impressions of julia child? in julia's iconic voice... "hello, i'm julia child and today i am going to make a quiche!" mom, i bet you remember that. i am sure it scared you. its no wonder i never related to children my own age. and it only got worse as i got older. martha stewart got her own show and that was it for me. i was amazed that one person could literally know everything about EVERYTHING. this woman could groom her french bulldogs while, simultaneously, making her own scented soy-wax candles and cook a seven course meal for 15 guests. (complete with hand-embroidered table runners and napkin rings made from acorns found in her backyard.)

unfortunately for me, i never grew out of that dream. it only gets worse as the years go by. so i decided that to be good at everything i had to try everything, then perfect it. so cute little cherry pie pockets is today's experiment-gone-awry. it started out on a good note, but by the end there was flour everywhere, i ruined my white t-shirt and i am still airing out my apartment from the smoke. they tasted REALLY good, but the presentation was lacking. perhaps one of my readers will try them and tell me what i did wrong. (mom, since you're practically my only reader, that means you.)

makes 6 mini pies

prep time: 15 minutes

cook time: 15-20 minutes

what you'll need...

1 package Pillsbury rolled pie crust

24 fresh cherries

flour for dusting

1 tsp corn starch

1/4 cup sugar

1 tbsp orange juice

sanding sugar

large heart shaped cookie cutter

cherry pitter (i found on at Williams-Sonoma for under $10)

parchment paper

directions....

1) preheat the oven to 400 degrees (or whatever the box of pie crust says).

2) stamp out your hearts on the pie crusts, then move them to the side.

3) time to pit the cherries. then cut the cherries in 4 pieces.

4) mix cherries, sugar, corn starch, and OJ together.

5) put some of the cherry mixture into the center of the heart then cover with another heart. pinch the edges together.

6) put a sheet of parchment paper on the baking sheet and line up the pies. stab a few holes in pies with a fork for venting purposes.

7) brush a little water on the surface of the pies and sprinkle some dusting sugar on the top. pop the pies in the oven for 15-20 minutes. (check on them a few times just in case the filling drips into the oven. this will burn and make your apartment fill with smoke and scare your dog. trust me.)

my fantastic looking cherries.

i got this contraption at Williams-Sonoma. it cuts the dough and crimps the edges for you.

its like a little pocket of adorableness.

unfortunately, cherry filling went everywhere, including the heating coils in my oven. smoke ensued. nothing is more appetizing than a bleeding-heart pie! it looks like something you should send your boyfriend after a bad break-up. not that i would do that.

these look much better in black and white. despite their appearance, they tasted great!